Fucking christ. What a day. She called. And in the end, it was the same old shit.

Although I had little sleep from the night before, I could hear my cellphone vibrating in the next room. I got up out of bed. Who would call me at this hour (when in all honesty I should probably be gettting up and going to work anyway)? I was HER. Wow, it was great to hear her voice again. She had to go to work but just called to say that she got the letter in the mail today. I was surprised it took almost a week, but then again with the Xmas rush I suppose that's to be expected. But...wow.

I called her later after hours at the office, where I still am now (and it's close to 2AM). Things started off so well. I told her how I wanted to just hold her again. How I wanted to still take her to the city and those other places. Whether it meant as friends or lovers, at this point, it didn't really matter to me. Because I still loved her so much.

We did the third person talk, which she does so well. That's where we both talk about one of us in the third person. It would always be romantic. But this time she was playing the role of psychiatrist to get things out of me. I was really open and sincere, which is always going to be hard because as we all know, with those things comes the fear of vulnerability.

"She" talked about "her" in the third person as we played along. And it was eventually reinforced that "she" was 34 years old, which is why I shouldn't be afraid of hearing talk about personal plans for children or living together. And how she loves me and wants to be with me more than anything. And I said how I really envisioned myself living with her.

But then the inevitable topic came up: religion. And of course my religion in particular. And the the same things started. She asked questions, I tried my best to answer. She kept interrupting me. Then before I knew it I was answering other questions, and thus she'd accuse me of going off on tangents. And I kept trying to explain things to her, being firm but polite. But it kept coming down to the same things. She already had her answers made up in her own mind, and really didn't want to listen to anything else. The founder of my religion was an idiot and a charlatan, the majority of people in my religion were insane, it was a "bad" religion because it wasn't centered on trying to do "good" for "humanity", she'd take quotes from the dictionary, blah blah blah blah blah. It didn't matter what I said back; her mind was made up. She kept insisting that she was not self-righeous, but the way she kept falling back on describing her job as a social worker would make one wonder.

At some point she asked if I ever broke up with anybody because of my religion. And I said no. Then she tried to call me on that and point out that I said otherwise about that other woman from the same state 5 years ago. But no, that wasn't the reason why we broke up. There were certainly some religion ISSUES with her, but she was the kind of woman who just brought things up to provoke me, whether it was religious differences (which is what we were discussing that night 5 years ago when she finally stormed out of the car and we ended things there), or saying things like "You're going bald" or one of the gay accusations. Aside from that, I can only think of one other lover I've had who had a problem with my religion, and that was the one I was with when I first discovered it.

At this point I was getting so fed up and disillusioned. So I just let the out once and for all. As she went on and on about how Satanists we so unstable, I laughed. She continued her angry rant by saying how this was typical of me, or something to that extent.

Finally I said, "Oh you're going to tell people who's stable and who's unstable? YOU talk to invisible, winged flying creatres! Now c'mon, does that sound a LITTLE bit 'unstable'?"

With that, she gave a "Fuck You" (or something along those lines) and hung up on me.

How do I feel right now? Relieved, in a strange way. I don't feel sad. I don't feel sinister. I just have that same feeling of a sales clerk getting rid of things with an incredibly bitchy customer. Shit, who was I kidding into thinking this was going to work out?

It was a fucking roller coaster, and the ride started again. But now my head feels clear in a strange way.

I'm not going to jump into finding a new girlfriend right way. Nooooo thank you! But I'll take some pride in knowing that in the future, I'll end up with somebody who doesn't try to be my mother. Oedipus Rex, I'm not.

"Goodbye and good riddance to bad love." - AC/DC