I went to the mall on my lunch break, and walked by Victoria's Secret. There was a petite lady standing in front who greeted me in a thick foreign accent and handed me a strip of thick paper with cologne sprayed on the end. Apparently, Victoria's Secret now has men's fragrances (or at least one). I asked what it was called. "It's called 'Very Sexy'." "Hmm," I replied, "not a very creative name!" "[giggle] Dew jew like eet?" "Not really." I don't remember what I said next before I kept walking toward the escalator. It was my mysogyny kicking in again. Something just threw my mind in a blender as I walked on that floor.

After eating, I passed Victoria's Secret again, holding my huge cola from Panda Express. The lady was still there. "Do you have an aftershave for that?" And she answered, in a long and not quite discernable way, but it equalled a "yes". She showed me everything. The spray, the splash, the sets, and the 5 other things labeled "Very Sexy - For Men". I shave with an electric razor, and use a moisturizing aftershave lotion. I was getting near the end of my drug store chain clone of "Afta". Some women even complemented me on the smell of that, but I thought it was about time to try something that wasn't $2.49 in a plastic bottle. It's not like men get to experiment with new hygene products that often (take a look at the few skinny shelves that constitute the "Men's Section" of Bath & Body Works, and you'll know what I mean).

I saw the lotion. I saw the price tag. I wanted to get it. She continued to explain everything to full detail. But finally, I grabbed what I wanted and we were on our way towards the cashier. Oh. Not yet. We stopped by one of the many stuffed bunnies they had. She explained something about them and a $35 dollar purchase, which I was making. I was in an indifferent daze. Then we actually walked to the cashier, and I heard myself say out loud "Easter? I don't celebrate Easter! I'm not Christian."

So she rings me up for the aftershave. Wasn't she supposed to be working out in front of the store? Whatever. I pay for it in cash. There were two other ladies behind the counter and off to the side, and the greetings and comments poured in. I was the only customer anyway. "My, that's a big soda." Suddenly, I turned a 180 into social/flirty mode. "Yeah, this was a medium! Can you believe it?" "A MEDIUM?" "I tried to finish it before I got here into the store, but couldn't really..." "Oh, we're not like that here!"

"What was the deal again with the bunny?" I asked as I pointed to the long-legged white animal with the pink feather boa necklace. Only $10.50, since I made the $35 purchase. Eh, what the fuck. "I'll take one". By this time, that second lady, a tall redred, was taking over the register and continued to put on her professionally habitual friendliness act. She was probably the manager. She showed the petite lady how to ring the sale back up. I exchanged a "Sorry" or two between her. There was a third lady there that I never looked at. "An Easter gift for a special someone?" or something to that effect. "No, no, just..." I don't remember what I answered. "The women will really like that [cologne]." "Well...*I* liked it, and I needed aftershave."

Why the fuck was I contradicting myself every 30 seconds? I always thought of myself as somebody with a sharp brain and strong views. This was too weird. I got enough sleep last night, I ate a full meal, I wasn't on a caffeine kick or anything. What the hell was going on today? In that store? Maybe I was mentally wrestling with the cynical grumpy self that I've always kind of liked, and the social phobia that my shrink and I talked about last night.

I looked straight ahead and saw myself in the mirror. I'm a rather handsome guy. I know that. I just wish I didn't have this one huge zit in the middle of my face today, right above the edge of my top lip.