After getting a copy-and-pasted "We noticed you didn't RSVP yet" email, I finally decided to go to RFS's second anniversary party out in Chicago. The hotel has been booked, and the flights as well. I must say, having gone out with J from New York really trained me to book trips like this faster. I can't imagine what this would be like for the shut-ins I know, who treat a 1/2 hour trip from the north shore to Boston as some arctic expedition. Aren't their photo albums going to look sad 10 years from now, when 98% of the pictures will have been taken inside, in the same exact apartment? Anyway...

I thought a lot about this last year, and didn't end up going. And this year it was the same thing, but I did finally book it. My hesitation comes from a dilemna. When your religion is such a minority, it's almost always a pleasure to run into a group of fellow adherants. But what if the host is a dick?

I gotta say, I still can't stand the guy. I have not put our on-line disputes fully behind me. I don't think I ever had somebody fuck with my head so much in an online debate, ever. Believe me, I've been in lots over the past 8 1/2 years of having internet accounts. And what's worse is I almost don't want to say that he's done this, beacuse I don't want to give him the acknowledgement of that. He's a fucking iceman - you express your views in an open forum, then he'll press your buttons until to want to storm off or break down. He'll show you that whatever it is that you hold dear is completely pathetic for you and what you stand for, and you can't find any holes in his argument. It's the worst feeling, ever. And I don't base this solely off my own correspondence with the guy -- I've seen him do it to others on other forums.

But what do I want to say? "No, I don't want to go, because I don't like you"? It would seem like a great idea to think that you could reject him on some level. But I know he would respond with something, directly and indirectly, along the lines of "OK, I guess you're somebody who doesn't know how to have a good time. We probably don't want you there anyway. You're probably just one of THEM, as I've suspected all along." It's not that I'm desparate to be in their clique, but I'm certainly not the sheep he makes me out to be. At least I can take pride in knowing that in my religion we're not expected to get along and agree about everything with each other.

But he did invite me, both last year and this year. How did I get an invitation? Obviously it's because I am one of a number of people subscripted to his invite-only discussion list, which I've been on for a while. One of two places he's done his relentless mental beating on. But I never unsubscribed. If I did that, he would have won. And I'm going to the party this year. We'll see what things are like face-to-face. Who knows, maybe he'll be so busy that we won't be talking anyway.

Besides, M, my friend from the priesthood is going. So there will be at least one familiar face. And let's face it -- if I still dream of one day marrying somebody who has the same religion as I do, I shouldn't pass up a gathering like this.