Before I left for the weekend, I took my amp out from my back seat. Not my practice amp, my big amp. My 4x10 Trace Elliot cabinet and Peavey head. It had been sitting in my old band's practice room for 2� years. We broke up, C and A kept the room for their new band, and were kind enough to let it stay there safe with their own stuff. But I finally got around to picking it up.

One of the reasons I was reluctant to get it was because I really had no space at home for it. My dad would ask me every now and then where my bigger amp was, and I told him it was still down there. "You should go get it." "Where would I put it?" "Put it in our basement." "You're always saying that there's no room in that basement."

But I finally squeezed it out of my car and moved it down there. I needed to make room in my car for the TV I would be bringing over to her place this past weekend. It was a TV that was just collecting dust, and hadn't been used since I was in college (and maybe no later than my 2nd or 3rd year, at that). Besides, my car needs an oil change and I didn't want to drive any more miles with all that unnecessary weight.

So now I came up with an obvious solution and I told my parents. "I'm selling the amp! It won't be down there for a while." And of course some of the guilty-feeling replies came in, which I had no intention of inducing. "Oh, you don't have to SELL it. What if you're in another band and..." I haven't been in a band in over 2 years. "Oh, but you're so good..."

Now this last line is something I've heard before, and brings me to a completely different subject (which I didn't carry on with them there). My brother has used this on me too when he sometimes hears me play. "You should be in a band." Why? "Because you're good." If I try explaining my reasoning to them, or pointing out their reasoning, they get mad and say "nevermind", and try to make me look like the asshole for cutting them down when they're complementing me.

So let's put aside all that personal offense bullshit and take a good examination of this. In total honesty here, I do know that I am a damn good bass player. OK. But why "should" I be in a band? If somebody is a good artist or a good writer, they still might have no interest in opening a gallery or publishing their work.

Why should I be in a band? Well first of all I don't like "shoulds". My guidence counselor in high school had one sign on his wall which read "I will not 'should' myself today." I thought that was brilliant. Even aside from "shoulding" myself, I think doing something because you're told you "should" do it, is invariably plain pathetic conformist crap. Not to mention entirely anti-Satanic.

Maybe the real question is this: "Why would I want to be in a band?" Why do musicians in general want to be in bands? I suspect some reasons might include

1. They want to play gigs
2. They aspire to be professional musicians
3. They like jamming with other musicians
4. They want to make a recording
5. The type of music they want to make requires more than one musician

1. Over all, I don't like playings gigs. I've certainly had nights where I thoroughly enjoyed playing live, but it wasn't always worth it. A lot of those nights included loading and cramming heavy equipment into my car, driving all the way to the gig, double parking as I unloaded my equipment with frozen fingers under the falling snow, trying to find a parking space for the night, getting no sound check, not having many people show up, packing up quickly before the next band went on, and not getting paid for the gig (there were some nights where the band even ended up OWING money).

2. I'd put full-time musicians in three categories: party and wedding bands, rock stars (or at least bands whose CDs you can find in the stores), and studio musicians. I don't aspire to be a professional musician. I'm already in a career where I make more money than I need. Working musicians, on the whole, make far LESS than I make. Millionaire rock stars are hardly in the majority when it comes to working musicians. Hell, even some rock stars have gotten screwed out of all their money before. I like having the same days off every week, and on top of that I like having two consecutive days off every week. No dress code either. And I don't have starstruck fans trying to stalk me to my hotel room.

I'm not an entertainer. I'm not a "people person". I even loathed having to do those door-to-door sellings in grammar school and Boy Scouts. I never had the drive to hold a job for more than 2 weeks if was commission-based and involved dealing with individual customers for more than 20 seconds.

3. I like playing with other musicians. But I don't necessarily have to be in a regularly practicing band to do this, or at the very least, have to play in a gigging band that does this.

4. Technology has made enough advancements that you don't need a band to make a record. If you're proficient in one or two instruments, you can still buy a drum machine that sounds almost indistinguisly similar to a real drummer, and other such synthed effects. Even if you do want real instruments, you don't need a band to make a CD. You can hire different musicians for different songs, without them ever even meeting any one else who plays on the recording.

5. Sometimes this is the opposite: I get in a band with people who don't really like the same kind of music I like, or aren't going to play the music that I truly want to play. I might find myself doing this for others in the band though, learning the songs they want to cover while they don't learn the ones I want to do. But do I need to be in a band to play the music I want to play? Well, I've been doing well so far with myself and my gizmos, working at my own pace.

MAYBE, just maybe, I'd be in a band if:

• The other musicians had a good knowledge of music theory. Bye bye, alternative dweebs.
• There was no "drummer" per se, or he at least had just a very tiny 5-piece kit and some percussion instruments. Something we could get away with at a coffee house. Bye bye, rock stars.
• People not afraid to use MIDI (even if it was me). Bye bye, rock purists.
• They were way more interested in recording than gigging
• They already had stable jobs and cars
• None of them were druggies, smokers, parents, or married to control-freak wives
• They had lots of good ideas, but mine were still integral to the music
• Were fellow fans of at least 3 of my favorite bands, with not all 3 being heavy metal bands
• My practice amp would be loud enough for practices and even gigs
• On the chance that there would be a gig, they wouldn't come dressing like they just rolled out of bed. No sneakers.
• We had a regular practice schedule, but no more than 2 times per week
• And the most important one that will probably eliminate most of the would-be qualifiers: no jazz purists!