This is part 1 of what will probably be a 3 part diary entry.

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We both continued to cry as we held each other tightly in our arms, while I slowly rocked her back and forth. There we were, another Sunday night. And to think we had such an excellent time before that. Holding hands as we watched the show in the omni theatre. A $100 meal at one of the best restaurants. Beyond incredible sex, in ways I didn't think were physically possible. Waking up late in each other's arms. Using my healing powers to once again make her headache disappear (a skill I thought I'd lost). And all the little things -- perceived "signs", matching numbers, other perceived feats of fancy from me -- that had her half-jokingly praising "You're not human!" or "You ARE the devil!" But most of all, those moments when despite how cold it was on the streets of New York City, stopping to just look into each others eyes and get lost, while two smiles a mile wide stretched underneath.

Suddenly the moment of holding each other in the darkness was comically interrupted by the sound of roosters. It wasn't near dawn, and there sure as hell are no farms in that ghetto town of hers. Maybe it was just the sound of drunks imitating roosters. But she was convinced as usual that it "meant" something. She heard me giggle and demanded to know what connection I was making. Being so symbol-crazy around her myself, I laughed, thinking of the Gospel story of Thomas and told her that. She was convinced that was some calling for me.

We got to sleep for a few hours. Yet there we were again, just like last weekend. Fighting again the next morning. WHY did this have to happen again? WHY? A weekend filled with such bliss, only to end up arguing. Hearing the same criticisms from her, and even some new ones. Trashing my religion. Trashing its founder. Trashing the other "followers" in my religion, calling them all "unstable" at best when she wasn't using more degrading terms. Preaching about these notions of "good vs. evil", "light vs. darkness", and all that. I kept telling her that such notions aren't so universal, let alone objective. Not even all world religions are bent on a "forces of good vs. forces of evil" notion (of course, she disagreed and tried bringing up some far-stretched examples of "dark" deities from different cultures). She tried to tell me that Jews seriously believe in Satan, and in the same way the Christians do. I seriously have to wonder how many Jews she's actually met.

"Just watch the news," she says. "Just open your eyes and you'll see it!" In other words, look for a pre-determined pattern and you'll "find" it everywhere. But that happens when your mind becomes obsessed with ANYTHING. Hell, that's how she came to meet ME: somebody reading Tarot cards.

Is this really the full story? Religious differences? About her sincere belief in an actual "evil" entity called "Satan", that's somehow somewhere ties ME in to all the stereotypically "evil" things that have ever happened? And that even though I don't believe in Satan as a literal entity, that by practicing my religion I'm giving homage to something related somehow to "evil" people like Hitler? Or is there something else that drives her to say these things the nights before I have to go back home. Maybe she's bent on perfection, and wants to amplify those things preventing me from being her "10". Maybe she subconsciously wants confrontation to test my love for her, or for attention, or to make it easier in her mind to break up with me. I'll never know.