November 09, 2006
6:25 PM

The year in review, part 2


[Continued from part 1. See the previous diary entry before you read this one.]

Other dates follow. I go to the bar one Sunday night, and "A" is there. We've always had the hots for each other, but whenever I showed her interest she'd always back down and say things like "Oh, you don't want me. I'm too old for you." and one guilty excuse after another. But one night we finally hit it off. What a damn fine kisser. After that it was just phone tag. I wanted to take her out to dinner, but things never got around to that. I tried. But had to give up. On another occasion, I get an email out of the blue from "S". Drop-dead beautiful, ecclectic music lover, plays odd instruments, mathematics minor, AND member of the COS. Fuck "K", THIS had to be my fucking soul mate. She invites me down to dinner. Fabulous night. But once again, things turn into phone tag. We're both "too busy" with one thing or another. She fades out.

At this point I do have to congratulte myself on having an active dating life since my relationship with KC ended. And I get news at some point that she found a new boyfriend. That is a GOOD THING! I'm glad to see that she's moved on, as it means much less of a chance that she'd ever become one of those jealous, hounding ex-lovers.

October is approaching, and my Salem witch friends urge me to do Tarot readings and other psychic work. I'm not so sure I could do such a thing on such a high professional level. But his faith in me in so strong. He begs me to do it. Free lessons, and whatever else to get me in the program most easily. I accept. I furiously study Tarot and other subjects (including a lot of non-mystical stuff like cold reading, etc.) October comes and I'm working it every single weekend. I'm making great money. SO much happened. So many readers who came to me and put their life in my hands. I give predictions for a couple and the husband's band. A middle-age woman was having an affair and wanted to know what to do. A christian woman ended up crying in my arms and telling me how great of a person I was. People up and down the spectrum were coming in. I could write 10 pages about the full experience, but since this is "the year in review", let's move on:

I've kept a tradition going for Halloween ever since 1989: I always do some sort of formalized ritual on this night. 2006 was no exception. Met up with a private group in Salem, 13 of us total. General witchy ceremony. It was nice, and didn't contradict any of my beliefs or what not.

As far as dating goes, two notable people came into my life in October. And I met them both where I was doing the Tarot work. Let's call them "Rich" and "Jean". They both were a bit infatuated with me. Honestly, when you get right down to it, I am a handsome fellow. Trust me; I'm not being pretentious here. Rich had his eyes on me since the beginning of the month. He's a Wiccan, and like many Wiccans he was afraid of me at first upon finding out I was a Satanist. But we talked and I gave him the Satanism 101 talk. Even bought him the book. And he really opened up. Before I knew it, he'd be leaving coffees at my reading table every day, and sending customers from his merchandising booth over to me for readings. It was clear to me and everybody else in the room that Rich had the hots for me. And I liked Rich. Things got hot at one of the parties after he had a few drinks, though I wasn't comfortable with that, only because we were in a rather public place and there were lots of professional photographers around. Granted we were wearing Halloween costumes and mostly among friends, but the bottom line is homosexuality in public can attract the attention of dangerous individuals. I explained that and he understood. "Save it for when we're alone," I told him.

With the madness of the month over, we finally WERE alone, at my place. We also had a chance to go to the gay bar (now THAT'S where public displays of affection with another man won't get you killed). But we certainly got naked at my place. I hate to say it, but part of me felt like I "had" to as a fair payback for the way he'd been treating me all that month. Still, I liked the guy. And I had no regrets about what we did. But I informed him early that I was getting very emotionally involved with somebody else. A case where things might develop into a relationship with her.

Who was that woman? The one I said I'd refer to as "Jean". She came to my Tarot table one night. She was drop-dead beautiful. Yet not in any stereotypical way. Her thick and lock hair draped down past her shoulders. Her head was further balanced by two giant silver earings, triangles pointing towards the ground. I'm a fucking push-over for large earings. Dressed elegantly in black. Beautiful dark skin. Her face had an older look to it. Not just a more physically mature look, but a look like she had been around this world more than once. A look as if she really had her act together. She sat across from the table like a strong-willed Egyptian queen. She wielded not pretentiousness, but DIGNITY. I got lost in her eyes for a moment, then quickly pulled my Warlock strength together and snapped my mind back into "professional psychic mode", reading the cards for her. It was a great reading, and one part made her feel her "hair stand on end" because it was the same precise answer she got from another reading.

A few days later she found me though one of my websites. She confessed being completely infatuated with me that whole time during the reading. She was a "white-lighter" afraid of approaching me first because of the inverted pentagram I put on my business cards. We exchanged numbers. To make a long story short, we've been talking to each other for hours every single day. It's so strange because we have so many opposing view points in the religion department. She's an angel, I'm a devil. But DAMN, we can't get enough of each other. We're dying to see each other again in person.

Yesterday I told Rich the news. Yes, the thing with the woman was taking off. I really, really, felt like shit. I can't remember the last time I actually "dumped" somebody. I've certainly had mutual break-ups, but it really pained me to tell Rich that I wouldn't be comforable doing things sexually with him from this point on. I love Rich as a person though; we have so much in common and I love his friendship. He's somebody who's been through a lot of rough shit in his life, which made it even harder for me to tell him. But it had to be done. To lead him on or try to ignore him would have been cruel, and I don't play head games like that. He was hurt, but appreciated the honesty. We're still going to hang out, albeit without the groping. I'd like to think that I'm not playing the same game K played with me in New Orleans, where I was led-on. No, I was honest with Rich about everything. AND he had me in bed for one weekend anyway, which I have absolutely no regrets about, and assured him of that. Again, it hurt, but it had to be done.

Of course when it comes to Jean, I can't help but to think of what was going on exactly 5 years ago: I was falling in love with a woman from her same state. That was frightening, that incident. We were talking about getting married before we even met in person. But is that what's being reapeated here? I don't think so. I'm not the same romantic fool I was back then. Jean and I are in our 30s, where we've learned though all the bullshit of our 20s, and know how to work things rationally. But man, I can't get Jean out of my head. And I wish more desperately than anything to feel her in my arms.

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