The email she sent to me today:

Here's the email she sent me today. Like any good editor, I've replaced names and other clarifications with text in [brackets].

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Hi [Trapezoid],

I first want to tell you that I am looking orward to seeing you this weekend very much. I think about you a lot, and wish I had more time and resources (yep, that means money) to spend with you...

I know we often talk on the phone during the day, but this is not something I just don't want to address during our work days, and I do not think it is right to spring it on you out of the blue this weekend.

There is a lot going on that has been putting a real strain on me for the past few months. Some things are relatively minor in the big picture (like the [ex-lover] saga, and my legal problems with the old tickets that led to my license being suspended) though they weigh heavily on my mind. Some things, like running negotiations between you and [her current other partner], and keeping the shop open seven days a week, I have really lost steam on, and I as hard as I try not to, I find I have been losing the energy and will to continue.

Other more immediate issues are purely financial: I owe my father a great deal of money, and because of that he is having a crisis with the mortgage on the house. I have been sending him what I can, but due to all the problems I brought on myself (mostly in 2004 with all the ticket shannanagans, that landed me in jail for the night and have resulted in my licence being suspended) financially, I'm just not making it.

I've tried my best to keep things running seven days a week by myself here, and still "have a life" outside of this house. No matter how hard I have tried, I just seem to sadly fail at both.

As you know, my strange little business and all of its related cosmic foo is.. well... the essence of my life. It sounds stupid to put it that way, but I just can't find better words. My father has strongly suggested that that I try to get myself on disability many times... I don't know, it always seemed wrong to me. Maybe I'm in some serious denial, maybe I'm not just a woman with strange quirks, but a person with Serious Issues... I don't know, but I sure don't want the stigma, and I don't have any desire to "play the system in any case !

My point is, I need to take steps to save myself financially, jump start the business...

And start paying my father back... [and also paying back] you...

(sigh)

I am going to be looking for a second job again, starting tomorrow.

The upshot is, I'm really afraid that I'm not even going to have the meagre amount of time and energy I have been putting into our romantic relationship for very much longer. I still love you romantically, that hasn't changed. You've done nothing wrong by me. You've been there as my partner for almost three full years. You are one of the most accepting and loving I've ever had. It breaks my heart, it really does... I just cry and cry when I think about it, but I've just slowly been "running out of gas" so to speak. I am afraid that I cannot give you the time and energy we deserve as romantic partners in the coming months/ year. I feel terrible about that, but I've run out of ideas on how to compensate for the lack of time and money in my life. It's making me sick inside....

I want to see you this weekend, I still love you.... but both to be fair to you and keep myself sane, I don't think I can remain romantically involved with you for very much longer. As cliche as it sounds to write it, I want to stay friends... forever, if possible, regardless of whether or not we choose to be romantic partners again in the future.

This isn't meant to be the "final word" on this at all, I want us to be able to talk about the situation... I jsut didn't know how, or when to start...

I hope you will still see me this weekend. While I prefer, as I said, not to talk about his while I have customers here, please feel fre to call me anyway during the day if you want. I'll be here tomorrow night too... I am so sorry to bring this up in an e-mail, but I didn't know how otherwise....

Love,
[Gloria]