May 19, 2004
8:54 PM

Musician put-downs


Here are some snappy come-backs to comments from snobby and other self-delusional musicians. Feel free to use these in coversation should you be in the presence of annoying pretentiousness (especially the humbler-than-thou form of pseudo-pretentiousness...that's the worst!)


"I'm entirely self-taught! Why, I've never had a guitar lesson in my life."
"Yeah, you SOUND it."

"I don't read sheet music because after all, Jimi Hendrix didn't know how to read sheet music."
"Uh-huh. And I suppose that you're the next Jimi Hendrix?"

"Our band's last show had every up out of their seat!"
"Yes, that's usually the first step in running for the exit doors."

"Haven't heard of me? I'm surprised. I've sold thousands of CDs."
"You're the cashier at the Tower Records store, aren't you?"

"You know, certain musicians can hear notes that normal people can't hear."
"So can dogs."

"Here, take our demo CD [with no label or case]"
"Thanks, I needed another coaster."

"We play a sort of alternative/nu-metal style."
"Ah, top-40 music! How nice."

"What instrument do I play? I play EVERYTHING."
"Not proficient in anything, eh?"

"What kind of music do I like? Oh I listen to EVERYTHING."
"That's amazing! Who are your favorite Polka bands? And by the way, which do you prefer: Sousa marches, or Hungarian folk music?"

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